


that one knows me

by iihappydaysii



Series: Every Atom Belonging [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Skype Sex, first Skype conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 13:50:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11510727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iihappydaysii/pseuds/iihappydaysii
Summary: those early Skype sessions between dan and phil before they meet for the first time





	that one knows me

**Author's Note:**

> title and quotes from Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass".

* * *

 

_“Some are baffled, but that one is not--that one knows me._   
_Ah lover and perfect equal."_

 

* * *

 

“It’s…sorry…my connection is shit. Can you see me? I can’t see you.” Dan settled back on his bed, his entire body alight with nerves.

“Yeah, yeah. Hang on. I think it’s my lighting actually, sorry,” Phil replied.

On the screen, Dan could make out a shadowy figure he could only assume was Phil.

“There we go,” Phil said, as he came into focus on the webcam. “Hi, Dan.”

Something clenched between Dan’s ribs at the sound of Phil—AmazingPhil— actually saying his name aloud. 

“Dan?” Phil raised an eyebrow.

“Hi…sorry. Hi, Phil. It’s good to actually talk to you. It’s great.”

Phil smiled that smile Dan always thought fit so perfectly on his face—a line of white below soft eyes and a black angle of fringe. “It really is. So…you’re actually going to make a video?”

Dan shrugged. “I’m thinking about it. I’m closer than I’ve ever been to giving in.”

“What can I do to push you over the edge?”

“I can think of something…” Dan bit his lip. _Was that too much?_

“So can I,” Phil replied easily, and heat crept into Dan’s cheeks. _Guess not._

To release a rush of nervous energy, Dan ran his hand through his hair. “Uh, did you want to hear my video idea?”

Phil perked up, leaning in. “Absolutely. Tell me.”

Dan took a deep breath and launched into a rambling spiel about the video idea he’d likely call ‘butterfingers’. When he finished, he felt a little sick inside. He did this sometimes—ramble on about something, some idea he had that he thought was cool just to have someone look at him like he was an idiot. He braced for that look now.

“Oh my God!” Phil grinned, then let out a laugh. “That was hilarious. You have to make that video. Get off Skype. Make it now.”

The tension Dan had been feeling eased out of him. Phil hadn’t mocked him or said something patronizing like ‘sounds interesting’. He had replied with genuine excitement and encouragement. He couldn’t stop the smile from breaking out on his face.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “But do you really want me to get off Skype?”

Phil immediately shook his head. “No. You’re right. That was a terrible idea. You can work on the video later.”

Dan did work on the video later. About two hours later when he finally got off Skype with Phil. 

 

* * *

This was only the third time Phil had talked to Dan on Skype, and they were already going on hour three. Phil’s left leg had gone numb so he adjusted his position on his bed, as he listened to Dan finish talking about the new Muse song he was really into at the moment.

“It’s such a good one,” Phil echoed back to him. “One of my favorites—and you've made it even better.” He settled his back against the headboard and yawned. 

Dan looked down. His hair had the softest way of falling over his forehead, and Phil couldn’t help but imagine sweeping the strands back with his fingers. 

“If you’re tired,” Dan said. “We can talk tomorrow.”

Phil shook his head. “I’m good if you are. Just relaxed.”

“Me too. It’s funny how easy this is…how comfortable.”

Phil nodded, his lips quirking up into the smallest smile. Dan was right. It _was_ easy and comfortable between them. Sure, there were silences. There was no way around that when they were talking for so long, but they were never uncomfortable. It felt natural somehow, to just sit in the quiet together. 

“I just hate how I have to keep my voice down so my _loving parents_ don’t pry,” Phil went on to imitate his mum’s voice, “are you making videos again? who are you talking to, Phil? Someone from uni? A _girl_?”

“Not a girl,” Dan whispered.

Phil paused to just look at Dan, and found his attention drawn to full, pink lips. He swallowed, his throat tight. “Nope, not a girl.”

Dan let out a soft breath. “I have to keep my voice down too. Not that my parents would ask questions. They can’t stand it when I’m loud—which I tend to be, sometimes. Accidentally. Anyway, we’re going to think each other’s voices are a lot more sensual and husky than they really are. You’ll be disappointed when we meet in person and I actually sound like a squawking flamingo.”

“You want to meet in person?”

“I mean…I don’t know…sometime maybe. If you wanted…”

“I don’t know, Dan. I don’t know if I could handle your face in full, real life clarity. I can barely take it in this grainy webcam.”

The image wasn’t perfectly clear, of course, but Phil could still see the pink pooling in Dan’s cheeks. It sent a shiver through him. How was he the one who had put that blush there?

“Trust me,” Dan said. “I’m worse in reality.”

“You could never be worse in a reality where I could actually touch you.” Phil wasn’t sure why he was saying these things other than because he meant them, and he wasn’t sure how to lie to Dan.

“An AmazingPhil hug. Won’t all the fangirls be jealous?”

“A hug,” Phil said. “Yeah.”

That wasn't the touch Phil had meant, but it would suffice. He would never ask Dan for more than he wanted to give, but that didn’t stop him from hoping. 

* * *

Phil groaned as soon as he came into view on Skype. “If I murdered some people, would you help me hide the bodies?”

“Who are we killing?”

“Nobody.” Phil sighed, his shoulders slumping. 

His demeanor made Dan’s stomach sink. He didn't like to see Phil like this but, at the same time, Dan knew he was the one person who Phil felt comfortable complaining to, felt comfortable being sad in front of. It was a privilege and Dan would do his best to treat it that way. 

“It’s just my parents,” Phil went on, brushing his fringe away from his eyes. “Actually it’s just _living_ with my parents. When I came back from uni, it was fine. It was fun actually. Catching up and…we’d have a really good time, but now I just feel like I’m slowly morphing back into teenage Phil. I asked permission for a biscuit today. A biscuit, Dan.”

Dan laughed, a smile tugging at his cheeks. “You’re a grown man. You should feel free to eat as many biscuits as you want.” 

“That _is_ the definition of adulthood.”

“Really? I thought it was taxes, cheating on your wife and getting a boring office job that slowly drains your soul until you’re just an empty husk.”

“No,” Phil said. “It’s definitely biscuits.”

“It’s good I learned the meaning of life at eighteen. It’s going to make the rest of my life much easier.”

“I’m glad I could help.” Phil laughed. “All I know is my parents are going on holiday for awhile, and I cannot wait for the alone time.”

A thought popped into Dan’s mind. Phil’s parents were going to be gone for a week… “How alone do you want to be during this alone time?”

Phil tilted his head. “What are you saying?”

Dan tensed. Had he misread things? Was meeting in person just something they talked about but never intended on actually doing? “I was just thinking. I don’t know. I have some money saved up and I don’t think a train ticket to Manchester would be that much. I could come like for a weekend or something…”

A smile broke out onto Phil’s face. “That is the best idea anyone has ever had.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Phil nodded. “Let’s look at train tickets!”

* * *

They’d been talking for almost four hours, it was two in the morning, Phil’s parents were long asleep, and every thing seemed soft and warm, a little fuzzy in the best kind of way. Both Dan and Phil had their laptops set up on their beds so they could lie on their pillows and look at each other. 

“It’s weird,” Dan said, his voice hoarse.

“What is?”

“How it can look like you’re so close, but really you’re hundreds of miles away.”

Phil sighed. He hated it—the distance between them. He couldn’t wait until October, until he could erase those miles like a bad pencil drawing. “It makes me wonder what we’d been doing if you weren’t just on a computer screen.” He said the words carefully, nervous he’d make Dan uncomfortable, but still testing the waters of their relationship.

Dan shut his eyes. “Can I confess something to you?”

Phil’s mouth felt dry, which made speaking difficult. “Anything, Dan.”

“I’m…I’m _hard_.”

“Shit,” Phil hissed.

“Sorry,” Dan whispered.

“Don’t…don’t apologize.” Phil hadn’t been hard himself, but in this comfortable dark, with Dan looking at him like that, all skittish and wide-eyed, that was quickly changing. “If you wanted to…I mean if you wanted to, um, take care of it…that would be okay with me.”

Dan didn’t respond. He just kept looking at Phil.

“If that was too…”

But Dan’s head was thrown back, his mouth slack, and his breathing had gone deep and heavy. Was he…? 

“Are you touching yourself?” Phil asked, his voice low.

Looking straight at the camera, at Phil, Dan bit his lip and gave a little nod. Phil was completely hard now, stiff beneath his sheets. Aching.

“Can I…with you?” Phil asked.

“P-please.”

Trembling, Phil slipped a hand into his pants and wrapped a tight hand around his cock. He slid his hand up and down, twisting at the end, just the way he’s always liked it. He kept his eyes on Dan—on the way his body filled up with a tension and then released, just a little, on the the slight tremble of his bottom lip, on the gentle fluttering of his long lashes. 

“Feels so good,” Dan muttered. “Wish you were here.”

“M-me too. Wish I could touch. Would you let me?”

“Yeah,” Dan said so quietly. “I want that.”

Phil tried to stifle a groan, but a breath of it escaped, and Dan matched the sound with a breathy whimper of his own.

“Never done this before,” Dan said.

“Wanked?” Phil said, his mind blurry.

Dan snorted. “Yes, Phil. This is the first time I have ever wanked. I’m glad you were here to witness it.”

“Shut up,” Phil laughed quietly. “I’m a little distracted.”

Dan chuckled, then moved his arm a little faster and jerkier. “Oh God, _fuck,_ I meant the first time like on camera and with…”

“A guy?” Phil squeezed himself tighter, rubbing the underside of his dick with his thumb, imagining the rough, wet tongue he’d just seen lick chapped lips.

Dan nodded, his chin tucked down, looking shy or embarrassed or something he definitely didn’t need to be feeling.

“It’s just me,” Phil said. And it wasn't like Phil could actually see anything but Dan’s face and the movements of a portion of his arm.

“Yeah… _just_.”

Phil kept stroking himself, giving in to each tug and twist. He kept his eyes on Dan, who was looking right back at him. He listened to every little noise filtered through his speakers on low volume, wishing he could hear them fully, the way they were meant to be heard. 

How had he ended up here? With this beautiful boy looking back at him with a face twisted up in pleasure? Whose voice could be rough, or gentle and tender, or brassy and loud? Phil didn’t understand the feelings tangling up inside him—all he knew was that he’d never felt them before. This— _Dan_ —was something new. 

“I’m close,” Dan whimpered, then pulled in a tight breath.

“That’s good…” Phil muttered. 

“Would you watch me?”

“Yeah, baby. Want to.” Phil didn’t know where the pet name had come from. He almost wished he hadn’t said it…it felt off to him. Dan was such a perfect name. He didn’t need a different one, and certainly not one that could be applied to someone else. “Dan,” Phil corrected himself, letting his tongue feel every letter. “Want to watch you.”

Dan’s breath went completely ragged, every gasp tattered as his arm sped up. “Yes, yes. Phil, Phil. God, yes.”

Phil moved his own hand more quickly, focused on Dan, but unable to deny the hot desperation burning through his own bones. “I’m almost there…I’m with you.”

“Phil,” Dan’s voice broke on his name, like hot water punching through a reservoir. Dan tensed all over, dark eyes wide, shocked, his whole body visibly shaking.

A thousand-volt shock of pleasure shuddered Phil’s body, as he came hot and sticky in his hand. He kept on, longer than he should have, chasing the electric buzz until it disappeared out of his skin. 

“That was…” Dan said quietly.

“It was.” Phil smiled. He didn’t know what this meant—what it would mean tomorrow—if this was all just a game. Easy to play on the internet, but would fall apart when they met in a month. Still, whatever this feeling was…whatever road he was on…Phil was too far down it to turn around now.

* * *

When Dan logged into Skype to talk to Phil the next day, a part of him expected to talk about what had happened during the night. It was all he’d been able to think about all day. At this point, he wasn’t one hundred percent convinced he’d ever be able to think about any else ever again. But they’d been talking for about an hour, about bands and Buffy and replaying Crash Bandicoot, and somehow they’d both seemed to settle on not mentioning it. Dan didn’t know what that meant. That they were just comfortable with each other, with what happened, so it didn’t need to be mentioned? Or that Phil regretted it and wanted to pretend it never happened?

“Uh, Dan. You listening?”

“Yeah, sorry. I got distracted for a second. Thought I heard my mum.”

“That’s okay. I was just thinking about your video. I love the idea of…what did you call it? Butterfingers. Well, I love the idea of it and you should definitely make the video but your first video should probably be an introduction to your channel.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah. Like you should talk a little about yourself and what kind of videos you're going to be making. I’ll promo it for you.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. I’m so excited for you to make videos. You can even start coming to Youtube meetups.”

A jolt of anxiety shocked through Dan. Things like that freaked him out a bit—but it also sounded kind of cool, especially if he was going with AmazingPhil. “I don’t know if I’ll ever count as a real Youtuber.”

“I’ll just teach you the secret handshake and the goose sacrificing ritual and you’ll be a real Youtuber in no time.”

Dan snorted. “Oi, thanks, Phil.”

“No problem.” Phil gave him a small smile and a look that sucked the air out of Dan’s lungs. 

“Can you believe I’m coming to Manchester soon?”

“We’re going to have the best time. I’m going to drag you to all the best places. The Skybar, the Manchester Eye, my bedroom.”

Dan let out a nervous laugh.

“Yeah,” Phil continued, “we could collab. Make a video together!” 

“Wow, really? That would be great.”

Phil grinned. “But first you have to go put up a video. Right now, I’m serious this time.”

“Okay, but I’m freaking out. Just so you know.”

Phil shrugged. “That’s a good sign. Some of the best things in life are a little terrifying.”

* * *

Phil couldn’t stop himself from smiling as Dan hid his face in his hands. “Dan, you okay?”

“No. I’m going to die. I’m actually going to die.”

“I don’t think death by Youtube video is actually a thing.”

“Death by embarrassment is though.”

It wasn’t actually, but Phil wasn’t about to start an argument, not at a time like this. “But you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s a good video. It’s fun, it represents you and what you want to do. And you look pretty great in it too.”

Dan peeked out from between his fingers. “You think so.”

“Seriously, Dan. People are going to love it. Honestly, I’ve seen the comments. They already love it.”

Dan dropped his hands completely away from his face. “You’ve seen some comments?”

Phil nodded. “People are liking it.”

“They are?”

“Yeah, you should have believed me.”

Dan smiled. Phil didn’t think he’d ever grow tired of that smile. In just over a week, Phil would get to see that smile in person for the very first time. 

 

* * *

“Twelve hours.”

“I know. Can you believe it?”


End file.
